• Lord Jesus Son of God / Have mercy on us.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Back in the dirty south.  Instead of the refined south.  Different rednecks, same Cracker Barrels and Walgreens. 


    All of the sudden, ready to travel again.



Friday, 06 November 2009


  • Saying that things are changing would be an understatement.  The leaves are not the only things in transition right now.  Everyone I know seems like they are under an extreme stress physically or emotionally.  Such stress that it doesn't just interrupt daily life but it changes it drastically.  So, it's fine.  I don't mind change once it happens, only the things that lead up to it.  I'm good at moving and changing.  Not good at goodbyes though.   Will see Russellville in only a few days I think.  For how long I dunno. 

    I don't have the internet right now which suuuuuuuuuuucks.  I am at my last day of working at Machu Picchu.  The Peach, Mach Pach, Pikachu.  I'm going to miss the coffee and the smell of garlic and onions frying.  I don't really like either of those things when I'm eating but the flavor of them is really important it turns out.  I can also eat really ridiculously spicy things now with no real problem.  Orrrr, maybe I just care less about physical discomfort.  I can also cuss you out completely in spanish, Mericon. I just rolled silverware for the last time.  Woooo.  At this place.  Who am I kidding, I bet silverware rolling is in my near future.  No use being sentimental about that.  I'm not going to like being the new guy again!  It's ok, it doesn't take me long to subtly become the boss of EVERYONE.  And it's only until after I'm gone that they realize I was actually in charge.  heeeeeheeeeeee

    Wanna see a pic of some boobs?
     
    I love Halloweeen.

Saturday, 24 October 2009

  • In the past few days I've read poetry out loud to a crowded basement, went to a wedding in a cemetery, played dress up with a great designer and got mauled by a goat.
    It's like life to get more interesting where you are when you are supposed to leave - like how your hair finally looks great the day you are supposed to get it cut.













Thursday, 22 October 2009

Friday, 16 October 2009

  • Last night's dream was too messed up to relay.
    Except in parts.

    First, I was camping, I think ...  with some guy I met and liked and we went to his cabin real friendly like without anything weird going on.  Then I gradually became sortof a prisoner there and we were both pretending that it wasn't true.  I figured out that he was a murderer by taking a walk around his property and finding lots of dead peeps.  :(   In variously weird poses with strings attached, ew. I am so not going to describe this part in detail.

    Then we were transferring to another place, his rich parents' house, I think.  And I planned to escape on the journey.  I jumped out of the car in a small town (dude was asleep - someone I don't know was driving) and found myself at the local news station.  The reporter was a cute blond guy laying on a couch and relaying the news with his head hanging upside down off of it.  I told him it was a really weird, but totally cool way to do the news and no one ever said anything to me in my journalism and editorial conference classes about doing the news however you felt like.

    Then, it was getting dark and I had no way out of this town so I found a icky motel to stay at and I figured I could hide there for the night.  I was in room 18.  I asked the desk girl to not tell anyone I was staying in there and if anyone asked if they'd seen me to lie.  There was a gross bar near the hotel and I got so drunk(because of the horrible time I'd just been through((parts of that are too gross to write down too)) at it that someone who worked at the hotel had to help me to my room and I blew my cover and woke up the whole hotel and by the time I got in my room everyone knew I was there and why I was there. 

    Then when I was in my room, I got up to go use the communal bathrooms still drunk.  And I guess there was a fire pit outside and I was messing with it and I threw a burning stick at the building and the hotel started to burn.  It burnt down, killing a lot of people.  I knew it was happening but I think I was too drunk to move and to warn people.  The commotion drew a lot of people, including the scary guy I had escaped from.  But, by this time I was not scared of him, and he may have been scared of me.  Because I had killed just as many as he had. 

    Get a load of that.  Try sleeping if you are me! 


    I had other stuff to say but I can't remember it anymore.  I hope tonight's dream is nicer.  I haven't been watching any weird movies or anything.  I wonder if focusing on, and writing down these kinds of dreams is actually not a healthy thing to do. 
    Healthy is in.  Troubled, skinny and mysterious is out.
        


Wednesday, 14 October 2009


  • Nowadays I have a crazy dream every night.
     Did you know nowadays is in my computer's spell check?
    I'll skip one of them.  It was really bad.  So bad that I woke up screaming and sweaty and it woke Mac up too.
    BUT, last night I dreamed I was a girl....I am a girl.  But a blond girl and I had a sister who was younger and had brown hair.  I was 15 or so and I was really pretty.  I was supposed to be with my little sister while she rode really dumb rides at this year round fair..sortof like Coney Island.  I snuck under one of the bigger rides she was on and was smoking a cigarette with a carnie when my parents caught me.  They found me and were so mad that I was smoking that we got in a big fight and my 'mom' made me smoke two cigarettes at once without breathing air, only smoke, until I got sick.  By the time we were done we all realized that my little sister was gone.  My parents and I ran all around the theme park until it closed down.  This was hours later and we had checked everywhere.  My parents blamed me for her missing and I ran away.  I knew through my sister and I's 'nurse' that she wasn't found.  I blamed myself and also my parents for what happened and I ran even farther away and not knowing how to take care of myself I married an older rich guy with dark cherry furniture and stuffed ducks in his office.  At the beginning of this marriage his mom caught me going through things in her bathroom and she locked me in there for a long time and threatened me because she assumed I was just marrying her son for his money, etc.  She was right so I kept quiet while she secretly let loose her freakiness on me for several?ish years. 
    Skip forward 15 years.  We had a daughter who looked like me and also a son who I can't remember right now.  I got a message at the post office that was sent to everyone near there about a couple looking for their long lost daughter which was me.  I took the photo and message and ran to my husband's office to hide and think but someone had already noticed it was me in the picture.  Our old 'nurse' found me soon and confessed that my sister was actually found a couple of days later and I had been gone for so many years and estranged myself from everyone and everything for no real reason.  My parents had tried to find me but I became the lost sister instead of her.  It ends with my daughter who is wearing a fur coat running up to hug my mother in law in an air port and saying 'Thank God you are here in this mess." This is when I feel the most alone.   And then we all turn and look at my real family who has just got off of a plane.
     
    That's all for that dream.

    Thanks Logan for liking my Godbey layout.
    And Matt, these don't feel like prophetic dreams.
    And Lauren, Hi.


Sunday, 11 October 2009

  • I don't feel like getting up today.  I just had a weird dream that I lived in Ohio with my family and we were 'squatting' in someone else's house that had a basement because it was kindof post apocalyptic.  I guess I was younger because I played outside a lot and when I saw 'skinny shadows' I would have to run inside and down into the basement.  The shadows were smoke from planes that were bombing that would be on the ground.  Weird.  But I remember in the dream the house we were hiding in had a really weird mural inside on one of the biggest walls.  It was a painting of some 'founding fathers'... It could have been some revolutionary dudes.. but they were praying mantises instead!  I was going through the closets in these people's houses and they had weird stuff..... a rotten apple and a planner from 2013. 
    Oh, and I remember standing in the kitchen and looking out the window and seeing things blowing up down the hill in a city and then running down into the basement.

    Just thought I'd write that one down.





Wednesday, 07 October 2009


  • Maybe it's the weather or something but I can't stop thinking about Katie this morning.  It's stupid that after someone dies you begin to appreciate different things about them.  Like walking down a street that you usually drive.
    Today, I remembered her balls.  She had some serious balls.  She went through a phase where she was painting huge pictures of a woman who was half skeleton from top to bottom and half flesh-y that looked AN AWFUL lot like her mom, sitting in her favorite lawn chair smoking.  Her mom would look at them and say....'Hmmm.  I don't like this one Kate.'  The skeleton mom pictures.  Those were good.

    I miss her life-like gorilla suit and hiding food in her mom's decor. 


    After she died her older brother told me that the comedy had gone out of his life, significantly.  I feel the same way!
    The caption for this picture was 'on Christmas night we get drunk and take pictures with this creepy animatronic santa.'  From her album Christmakah.  She's plainly Jewish.


Monday, 05 October 2009

  • In keeping with the tradition of doing things I'm not qualified for on Saturdays - Mac and I were in a soccer tournament with a bunch of Latinos.  Then we hiked part of the AT, stood in freezing mountain water for some hours (long story).  I am more sore than I have been in a really, really long time if not ever.  And thanks to Lauren for encouraging me about pictures, I'm going to post some from the weekend.  It was a harvest moon so I got some night time photos done.  I feel like I'm not so good at taking pictures right now.  Which is a tragedy since I've been planning on going to grad school for photography.  Uhg, whatever.  I don't even want to listen to this and I'm writing it.  Here are some pix.





    This is the White Hart, our friends' coffee/book shop.  A longer exposure.


    Full moon


    This is at Apple Orchard Falls.


    This picture was taken when I was hiking the trail early in the morning.  It was right after I collapsed from exhaustion.  It reminds me of Robert Frost.


    Happy for Sarah for her new jay oh bee.  Here's a verse Sarah:  'And Sarah said, God has made laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh over me.'  Gen 21..something
    Oh and guess what Sarah, Mac and I met a very nice cat tonight that we both liked a lot.


Wednesday, 30 September 2009







  • What if people really are mostly the combined effort of those around them?  Including the group of people who raised them and their early friends, to the ones they have now and the influences they have now (if they are not their parents)... That would mean that you better only hang out with cool people.  Or that parents who suck produce kids that suck.  The older I get, the more stock I put in parents' influence on their children.  Moms who have kids early have kids who have kids early, etc.  People who get married early's kids get married early.  People whose parents are racist tend to be racists as well.  I think our parents' influence on us is severely strong.  Whether it pushes you to mimic them or to correct them. 
    I got my mom's critical sense and diplomacy, but I corrected her tendency to judge.  (I have a problem holding to that though)
    Be good parents...
    Also, don't beat your kids.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Sunday, 20 September 2009


  • I went on my second-most interesting bike ride today.  The first was when I saw Wayne Newton and had a fu-manchu painted on my face. 
    Today me and a friend ditched a Tour we were in because we totally didn't fit in and all the old peeps were kicking our asses.  We decided to go at our own pace and it was a good idea.  We met a guy I've been wanting to meet.  He camps on the side of the road and he pulls a big wagon on foot.  I don't know how sane he is but he is nice.  He gave me and my friend water because we were on bikes and he talked to us about what he's up to.  He gets loads of publicity for his cause (less governmental control, homelessness, etc) and police leave him alone.  He's been on Good Morning America I guess?  And newspapers all over.  Then, instead of getting back with the bikers, we went to a neat park and accidentally ended up in a re-enactment of early settlers.  Met some cool peeps there, went mountain biking, got really embarrassed by the mayor and saw a cannon shoot into the Arkansas River.  They were making bread and churning butter and they let us hang out in a covered wagon.  Then we rode back to the lunch that the bikers were having like we had been on the tour the whole time.  The tshirt says 'a ride across conway countryside'.  Except it was on a icky highway.  But we made it through some countryside.  20 something miles of it I think.  I crashed hard earlier.
    Right after the ride I went to a Spradlin family reunion.  I hardly know any of them which is weird since we have the same last name and are directly related.  But my cousin Kandra was there telling me explicit details of her impregnation very loudly.  Describing in detail her and her fiance's orientations.  It was.... life.  In its most open form.  Which I have had the opportunity to appreciate almost fully today.

     

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

  • 7

    I don't know what it is about me that makes me totally restless.  I can't stop looking for something.  Living in total contradiction ages me.  Why do I run around seeking approval from this way and that when I can simply lay on my floor and exist in complete acceptance...
    Never mind of plan-making, we'll start living.

Thursday, 10 September 2009

  • I went on a big bike ride.  I found this hill that I didn't know was there and so I went up it.  When I got to the top there was a train going by below and they were setting the tracks on fire then a guy stood in the back and hosed them off.

    "Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share."
    Danielewski - House of Leaves


    Anyways, trying to do stuff.

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